Looking back on it, you could say that if I had just not made waves, kept my big trap shut we’d be able to turn on the tap, take a shower, cook spaghetti without it being a major production. My wife warned me. She said, “Honey, you don’t get something for nothing.” In other words, by buying into a cheaper community, we should expect icy streets, garbage stacking up at the curb and power outages that take days if not weeks to fix. I said I was okay with that. And I meant it. I thought I’d be alright with the status quo. That I could take a deep breath and walk past the garbage, the crooked stop sign, the broken traffic light that blinked green whatever that’s supposed to mean. But I couldn’t take. So I started attending Town Hall meetings to make my case. In the meantime, me and the little Lady were suffering from all kinds of stomach ailments. It felt like we had a bad flu that just wouldn’t quit. So, I had the water tested. Turns out there’s this microorganism, Coliform, causing the mischief. The Engineer strongly suggested that we tap into the town’s water supply. But the Town Supervisor won’t grant us a permit. He claims we still need to file more paperwork, the petition needs to be approved and then and only then will we have to wait for warmer weather. It’ll be two years ago next Wednesday that I first learned of our rotten well. Every time I bring it up with the Town Supervisor his shoulders shrug as if to say it’s out of his hands, but his eyes telegraph his delight. Elections are a mere three months away. The way I see it, twelve weeks of bottled water is nothing compared to the pleasure of crushing this guy. Now all I have to do is convince my neighbors that we could do so much better with me in charge.

(Photo: Tim Duch)