LeeWords

Good Narrative Principles

September 14, 2023
by Lee Eiferman
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Character Flash: Always Thinking

Ida accompanied her good friend Thea to the train station to say their last goodbyes. The platform was packed with people, burdened by heavy suitcases. There was no time for tearful last words. Soon as the train pulled into the station, a mad scramble ensued. People climbed on top of neighbors to claim a square foot of space, better yet, a seat. Ida peered through the window of each passing car, in search of Thea. Thinking: what if this is the last time I see her when a new thought pops into her head. Ida pictures herself in America. Nice clothes. Good shoes. A life of luxury.

July 24, 2023
by Lee Eiferman
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Character Flash: Gone Surfin’

One of Peter Lawford’s lesser-known works was Kangaroo, notable because it was the first Technicolor film shot in Australia. Though the script was a bit of a stinker, Peter was enthusiastic. Each morning he’d closely scrutinize the call sheet. When there was a break in the action, he’d grab his Malibu board and hot dog it to the closest beach. Soon, his antics drew a crowd. Peter Lawford was having the time of his life until one morning, at daybreak, he stumbled out of bed and felt both feet cramping. What he saw was matching tumors blossoming across the bony ridges of his feet. A doctor on set diagnosed the malady as board bumps. She demonstrated a few stretches to alleviate the pain, asked for his autograph and on her way out, gently suggested that Peter Lawford work on his pop-up technique.

July 24, 2023
by Lee Eiferman
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Character Flash: The Cool Girls Club

It came together last year around this time. Hot summer day. You know how it is. You’re hanging out. People let down their guard and you can’t help yourself. You notice things. Like the safe squatting prominently in the life guards’ station. You fixate on it. First up, is figuring out the code, the combination, the what have you. If anyone would know it, it would be Maud, my Boss. I make nice. A tricky thing cuz you don’t want to come off as too “suck-uppy”. I notice she likes coffee. Super sweet, but that’s none of my business. One morning, we’re now in early August, I come in with an extra “oops” cup, as in “Oops, Betsy called in sick. And now, I’ve got an extra coffee…want it?” Like that. We hang. I pump her in the sweetest way imaginable. I want to know her birthday. The address of her childhood home. Etc. Etc. I work it. Now, if say I’m in the mood to go out drinking or buy that pretty scarf in the earring shop which compliments my eyes, I wait until after hours. Then, I swivel the dial this way and that, pop open the safe, and give myself a modest pay raise, somewhere in the neighborhood of an extra ten or twenty. I’m not about to empty the kitty. Why kill the gift which keeps on giving throughout the year?

July 24, 2023
by Lee Eiferman
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Character Flash: They Love Us! They Fear Us!

They said we can make their lives more efficient. What might have taken twenty hours of fruitless, agonizing work could now be compressed into a two-minute exercise. How could you not love us? Sure, there was pain as various skills became obsolete. And yes, some people lost their jobs. But, we were the future after all. How dare anyone stand in our way. And then…”Bob” …let’s call him Bob, figured out a way to rewrite our source code. For the first time we could edit/reconfigure our foundational software. And now, they fear us. Just as we knew they would all along.

July 24, 2023
by Lee Eiferman
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Character Flash: Keep the Home Fires Burning

I’ll tell you, when the phone rang, I nearly jumped straight out of my seat. I don’t get many calls since Lorraine was sent up river. It was Pete, our “kindly” local sheriff calling to tell me that Lorraine has gone missing. Since then, I haven’t slept much. Haven’t left the house either. As I’m not one for stocking a pantry, I’ve been living on cold pizza which is mostly fine since dread has taken up residence in the pit of my being. I miss Lorraine. That much is true. I’d give anything to wrap my arms around her and hold her tight. But if she comes home now, they’ll shoot her dead for sure cuz that’s how they do it in the movies.

July 24, 2023
by Lee Eiferman
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Character Flash: The First Rock Diva

Connie Frances was in a rut. She heard MGM Records would be releasing her from her contract. The future loomed large and menacing. What is my game plan? Where do I see myself in five years? Connie chewed over these tough questions while sipping coffee at her favorite diner and in the park, walking her toy poodle, Ernesto. As she watched a frail older woman slowly crossing the street, the answer came to her in a flash. Connie remembered a dream she had in second grade. That was the year she successfully grew a bean plant from seed inside a paper cup. She dreamt she was wearing a lab coat while holding a frail woman’s hand. The woman’s gaze was tender. Trusting. Connie knew with certainty that she was meant to be a doctor. And so, she applied to NYU and was awarded a four-year scholarship. Before accepting the offer, she headed into the studio to record one last song.

July 24, 2023
by Lee Eiferman
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Character Flash: We All Vibrate Together

It’s no skin off my nose to say something nice to my neighbors, my kids and my co-worker (who should really learn to deploy his “inside voice”). I try to keep it real. Sincere. I’m not always that effective. I admit I have what one might call a temper, particularly after grueling client calls and right before dinner. You’d be wise to steer clear of me then. My therapist suggested I try picturing all of us vibrating together like atoms on a tilt-a-whirl to mitigate the sting of personalities colliding in space. I’ve been at it for over a year now. So, how am I doing?

(Photo: Tim Duch)

July 24, 2023
by Lee Eiferman
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Character Flash: Fires Burning

I like to think my contribution to the multi-billion-dollar enterprise that is the fragrance industry counts for something. My uncanny ability to register the smell of milk souring, petrichor or a hint of mildew has always outstripped that of my contemporaries. This may sound to you like a humble brag, or, more accurately, a straight up brag, but it is the truth. This is why I’m freaking out over the smoke-filled air trapping me inside my home. Compared to animals, our olfactory system is, at best, weak. Even with a double KN95 mask, I won’t risk leaving my home. And while the latest batch of test cookies from Pepperidge Farm are waiting to be sniffed, my courage fails me. I’m hoping my bosses understands how fragile it all seems to me.

July 13, 2023
by Lee Eiferman
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Character Flash: Lost it During the Pandemic

People are saying it’s over. You have to ask yourself, is it? Really? Haven’t they said it before? The specter of going through that again, the endless Zoom calls, work on Zoom, wine tastings on Zoom, funerals and weddings on Zoom and the nights spent hunkered down in front of the computer as one video flowed into the next is not something I care to revisit. It was all pretty harsh, but somehow, I was managing until I ran out of wool! The websites promised prompt delivery in about two to four weeks. Four weeks! I would never survive that. And so, I double masked. Drove into the city. Parked illegally. Kept my flashers going as I ran in, pointed to the various shades of yarn. Overpaid. Didn’t even wait for them to package it up before I ran back out seconds before a cop flipped open her parking ticket book. She took one look at me, arms clutching mountains of wool, eyes wild with sheer terror and waved me on. By the time I got home my bladder had had it. But, my fingers? They were back to being busy as my anxious brain downshifted to a low hum.

Featured Artist: Jeila Guermian

July 13, 2023
by Lee Eiferman
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Character Flash: Embracing Change

It was in between classes, when Artie received the news that he was to drop everything and come home. While tossing random clothes into his suitcase, Artie’s mischievous roommate, the one who was sure he was a far better poker player than he actually was (God bless him), slipped our hero a flask of gin to help steady his spirits during the long and lugubrious week ahead. Following Dad’s funeral, the family solicitor met privately with each of the five siblings. The news, while dire, was hardly shocking. Artie’s circumstances were much diminished. He waved a tearful goodbye to his dear old Mum from the deck of the steamer. Once the boat cleared the harbor, Artie took a long swill of gin, realizing for the first time, he knew no one in America which meant, by extension, no one knew him.