Location: Back room of a deli.   FRED comes in carrying a heavy box of stuff. Neither MARISOL nor DANTE flex a muscle to help him. FRED Look at this. Look at this. dante When did the shipment come in? fred Shipment my ass. I’ve been saying it. I’ve been saying it all along…and now I got the proof. What have we here? Two five pound loafs of honey glazed Boar’s Head Ham. Three turkeys — one smoked, one maple glazed, and our weekly special. marisol So, what’s the problem? FRED (to Marisol) You tell me. dante What does Marisol have to do with it? FRED Dante, if you know what’s good for you stay out of it. (to Marisol) Hope your Boyfriend got a good price for the Prosciutto. Tell him it’s Tuscan Prosciutto Crudo. dante Uncle Fred – fred Not your typical Prosciutto de Parma. dante You don’t want to be saying something that you might ultimately regret. FRED Marisol — something you wanna tell me? It’s either me or the Police. Take your pick. dante There’s a right way to handle this and a wrong   Read more...

Mike Yeah, well I don’t want to give the speech. robin But you have to. mike Have to? robin You agreed to it. mike When? robin Mike, this really isn’t the time to be having this discussion. mike I never agreed to it. robin You’re right here in the rundown. mike Why am I hearing about this now? robin I have no idea. mike I’ve got a whole army of assistants whose job it is to tell me precisely… robin Lower your voice, the audience can hear you. mike You’re going to have to get me out of this. robin Me! How? mike I have no idea. You were hired to run this meeting. Robin leans forward and breathes deeply. mike (cont.) How about this… I won’t put the next meeting out to bid. Just get me out of this. robin But you’re up next. Jimmy, wearing a headset approaches. jimmy Is there a problem here? robin He won’t get miked up. He doesn’t want to go on stage. Jimmy gently rests his hand on Mike’s shoulder. jimmy What’s the deal Mr. M, bad case of nerves? mike   Read more...

at a crowded bar EDDIE (late 30’s) gruff around the edges, slams into STACEY (50’s) just as she’s about to take a sip of a drink. The force of the impact knocks the drink right out of her hand. eddie Ah Jeez. Sorry. Sorry about that. What a mess. That guy back there… stacey It’s all right. It’s all right. I’m fine. eddie I really didn’t mean to uhm… stacey It was a gin and tonic. Light on the tonic. eddie O.K. Sure. Sure. Least I could do. (to the Bartender) The lady will have a tonic. stacey (to the Bartender) With gin. eddie (to the Bartender) Give us a minute. (to Stacey) Come on. Take a deep breath. You don’t want to do this. stacey Do I know you? eddie Yeah, I’m a friend of Bill’s. stacey What the hell are you talking about? eddie I’m talking about taking the 13^th step here. stacey (gesturing thumb over her shoulder) Where you… eddie Yeah, I saw you leave the meeting. You looked a little…shaky. stacey So, you followed me here! eddie Well, yea  Read more...

Living room Stripped down documentary crew. Director DAVE has his camera trained on RACHEL. rachel …And then Mel kinda did this thing with his finger, you know his pointer finger, his uhm index finger? He goes like this… (she points, then beckons) …to me! It wasn’t like I was projecting some kind of vibe to like will him towards. It just happened. That moment, that… (repeats the gesture) …was the beginning of my life. Yeah, that’s all. That’s all I want to say on the subject. Dave And cut. That was great. rachel Good cuz I don’t know how much more of this I can take. dave Right. Mmmm…The thing is uhm…well…Rachel…You’re doing great, great. rachel So you said. dave Honest… rachel But… dave Look, this is hard for me too. rachel Yeah, but this is your job. While for me it happens to be my life. dave And I respect that. I do. rachel Good. Cuz right now it feels like I’m in the middle of root canal. And the drill is being powered by a hamster on a wheel. dave O.K. I hear you. rachel   Read more...

At rise On a darkened stage. All we see is a pinpoint of light. doctor Bob What about now? marie Nope. doctor bob Now? Marie…Look up. 10:00. Now 12. No 2. Right. 2. Sorry. In the darkness we hear the metallic clatter of a falling instrument. Lights switch back on. We see Doctor Bob, dressed in a lab coat, facing away from MARIE. He’s hunched over. Breathing deliberately. marie Are you alright? doctor bob Just give me a second. Silence as he breaths. More silence. Then… marie (hand over her eye) I was outside throwing away this package when suddenly, blam, out of nowhere, this thing just flew into my eye. Just flew right in. My that hurts! (pause, then) The package was a gift from this couple. They just came back from a Yangtze River cruise. Long story. You O.K.? Doctor Bob holds up his hand, still panting marie (cont.) Ouch. Uhm…So, this tour? All-inclusive…If you’re thinking about seeing China, it’s the way to go. Great deal. (pain building) Ouch…Doctor if you could ah… doctor bob All better now. Thank you   Read more...

woman I had this dream last night. man Stop right there. woman What? man I hate listening to other people’s dreams. woman I didn’t know that about you. man Just think, for the rest of our lives you’ll never be able to tell me your dreams. Never. Ever. EEEVER. woman Are we doing this now? man Ah-ha. woman You’re ready? man Let’s get it over with. O.K. Where was I? Oh yeah, I’m like physically incapable of listening to other people’s dreams. woman Get out. man No, I mean this for real. Dreams are flabby stories. woman Flabby? As in fat? man A big fat list. It’s always like first this happened and then that happened THEN this AND that. Booring. woman See, that’s what I love about you. man No, that’s what you hate about me. woman I never know what you’re going to say. man Hey, if you’re not into it and I’m not into it, whaddya say we skip this week? woman We can’t. We had an agreement… man (overlapping) Yeah but… woman …trouble shooting before the t  Read more...

ext. driveway – day Harsh afternoon light on a row of barely used lawn mowers and collections of stuff. 60’s posters, beer mugs, ashtrays. Not much has sold. I Wanna Be Sedated is blaring from a stereo system that’s for sale. THELMA (late 30’s), blonde hair indifferently caught in a patchwork of barrettes, looks spent. She sits on a Western-style saddle reading the label on a half-burnt stogy. thelma Joe Cocker. Thelma lights the burnt end of the cigar and waves it at a swarm of Mayflies. They scatter.  Encouraged Thelma stands and starts waving the stinky cigar smoke around. It works. A GROUP of BUYERS drift back towards their cars. Robin, stout (50’s) and GOAT, sporting a waist-length silver braid (50’s), survey the offerings with a professional and jaundiced eye. They are dressed in matching Harley Davidson branded t-shirts. Robin unrolls a Fillmore West poster and eyes it. Robin How much you want for this? Thelma takes the poster from the Robin. thelma Not for sale. Robin But I thought… thelma Yeah well, it was and now it’  Read more...