LIVING ROOM MAGGIE (30’S) is pacing while ERIC (30’s) sits on the floor tossing three coins in the air. Beside him is an open book of the I-Ching. MAGGIE Well? ERIC Maggie, it’s six solid lines. MAGGIE No changing lines? ERIC Nope. That’s a first. I have never thrown a hexagram like that before. Have you? MAGGIE Well, we asked for a sign. And that sure is a sign alright. No ambiguity there. I guess we better start thinking of some names. Right? Eric? (nothing from Eric) What if he grows up to be a great painter. ERIC Or he could be a she. MAGGIE A scientist! An inventor! A musician. That’s something to think about. Imagine coming home to the sound of Mary Had a Little Lamb? Chopsticks? Three Blind Mice. ERIC Or we could imagine continuing just as we are?  What do you say?  Read more...

int. kitchen – day A MAN sits in front of an empty plate and woven basket. There are a few stray crumbs on the table. man I can’t believe you ate it. Both the buns and the bagels?! What’s with you? He glares off to his right. Nothing. man Jesus. Now what am I supposed to serve the company? That was Trey on the phone. Said they were leaving soon. And if I know that wife of his, they left on time just so they can get it over with. Everything is such an ordeal with her. Another silence. He shoves the empty basket across the table. man God damn it. How are we gonna, you know, generate those good feeling so we can talk? I could kill you. I could. The Man stands. Raises his fist in anger. man Don’t you dare run away from me. Don’t you dare. What I am supposed to do? Feed ‘em soup bones from the freezer? Damn it! I’d take them to the diner, but my daughter-in-law will start in with her water works. Blubbering like a fuckin’ canine. No offense. He sits down. The fight gone. A dog wanders into frame. Tail wagging. man Who’s a good boy? Who’s my go  Read more...

Int. shabby office – day Wood desk. Bare bones. Behind it sits a CLERK who is in conference with JANE. CLERK It’s kinda like a plea bargain. You pay the $20 bucks just cuz you showed up. And you sign the affadavit. jane That says basically I’m lying. That I was lying when I checked the not guilty box. I’m not lying. I’m innocent. clerk O.K. so yeah…it’s a bitter pill. So, go across the street and down it with a chaser. Take my word Ma’m, it beats standing in front of Judge Thomas and pleading your case. jane I’ll take my chances. clerk I’m your angel of mercy beamed down to save you time and heartache. That judge has never ever reversed a charge. I don’t care how many photos and sworn affidavits you’ve hauled in here with you. He’s gonna find you guilty. And, just for being a pain in the ass, he’s gonna demand the check be certified. He’s like that. jane But what about justice? clerk Cute.  Read more...

judge Forsaking all others… man #1 Uhm… (pause, sigh, breathe then…) O.K. Sure…Forsaking all others. judge Till death do you-- woman Back up. Are you saying you’ve got a problem with that? With being stuck with me forever and ever? Till death do us part? Cuz if you do… man #1 Just a joke. So, you and me — we’re cool? Can we continue? woman What do you think?  Read more...

woman I want you out. man O.K. woman I mean now. man How long are you giving me? woman Before the pizza guy shows up. I don’t want to share my pizza with you. I don’t want to share another minute with you. man Are you nuts. You can’t do that. You don’t have a right to do that. You see that? That coffee maker is mine. woman So take it. Take that your toothbrush and get the hell out. man And what about my Star Wars collection? woman Definetly take that. And the matchbox cars. And your jock itch is no joke spray. I don’t want that around either. man How am I supposed to manage everything? woman There’s a box of contractor bags. man So, you planned this. woman Yeah. Kinda like how you planned the trip to Vegas.  Read more...

At a kitchen table Kitchen is a mess of dirty dishes, open bags of chips etc. A MOTHER stands in front of a table that has on it neat piles of stationary supplies and stapled documents. Her son JACK enters. Heads to the reifigerator. mother You see this Jack? This is my homework. jack Shit! I’m gonna get homework my whole life? mother Language. jack Ma, do you like homework? mother Well, yeah…I do. I’m good at it. It’s the one thing I’ve always been good at. jack Huh? In your time Ma, did they have parties and things like that? mother Sure. And we had electricity and cars and running water. jack Yeah, yeah funny. So, did you go to these parties? mother You mean was I a normal kid? Jack, here’s the truth. There’s no such thing as normal. No one is normal. jack Forget it.  Read more...

Ext. house – day Pouring rain. Buckets of rain. A woman METER READER, 30’s (hard to know for sure) dressed in a bright yellow poncho waves enthusiastically to a PASSER-BY (50’s) walking his dog. meter reader Are we havin’ fun yet? passer-by You betcha. The Passer-by continues walking. The Meter Reader trots over quickly. meter reader Let me ask you a question. Got a minute? The Passer-by stops. meter reader Have any idea whether or not your neighbors are here? passer-by Can’t say for sure. Sorry. meter reader You see, the cars is in the driveway so it’s hard to know. For sure. passer-by Cuz you want to read the meter, right? meter reader I need them to sign off on the reading. It’s something we do. As a service. To our customers. passer-by See. I could ask for an ID or I could tell you I saw them last night buying a quart of milk. 1%. Your choice. The Passerby continues walking out of frame. meter reader (muttering) What the hell is that supposed to mean?  Read more...

woman It was only a kiss. man See…see…that “only”? The use of the word “only” there. You see what you’re doing, right. woman That’s not what I’m doing. Fuck it. You’re making me crazy. O.K. So yes there was a sizzle. In that kiss. But that’s as far as it goes. And that’s as far as it’s gonna go. A kiss. Period. man You might as well have fucked him. A hostile silence settles between them. Then… man Was your mouth open? Did you tongues touch? woman Don’t do this. You’re taking this little nothing moment and turning it into something it’s not. I’m still me. I’m not going anywhere. So…stop. Suck it in. Breathe it out. Do what ever you need to do so we can get past it. Otherwise… man When did kissing someone become a nothing moment for you?  Read more...