At rise
On a darkened stage. All we see is a pinpoint of light.
doctor Bob
What about now?
marie
Nope.
doctor bob
Now? Marie…Look up. 10:00. Now 12. No 2. Right. 2. Sorry.
In the darkness we hear the metallic clatter of a falling instrument.
Lights switch back on. We see Doctor Bob, dressed in a lab coat, facing away from MARIE. He’s hunched over. Breathing deliberately.
marie
Are you alright?
doctor bob
Just give me a second.
Silence as he breaths. More silence. Then…
marie
(hand over her eye)
I was outside throwing away this package when suddenly, blam, out of nowhere, this thing just flew into my eye. Just flew right in. My that hurts!
(pause, then)
The package was a gift from this couple. They just came back from a Yangtze River cruise. Long story. You O.K.?
Doctor Bob holds up his hand, still panting
marie (cont.)
Ouch. Uhm…So, this tour? All-inclusive…If you’re thinking about seeing China, it’s the way to go. Great deal.
(pain building)
Ouch…Doctor if you could ah…
doctor bob
All better now. Thank you for your patience.
Doctor Bob and Marie both lean forward at the same time. Doctor Bob can’t find his instrument.
doctor bob
Hang on. So, I take it you’re a travel agent.
Doctor Bob is pacing the room now. Looking under furniture etc. Marie’s patience is at its breaking point.
marie
Of course, what with the internet I probably should be considering a new line of work.
doctor bob
Yeah, I’ve been hearing that a lot from people lately. Oh, there it is. Come to Papa.
Doctor Bob bends down scoots his hand under an office cabinet. Has to reach.
marie
But then again, what am I going to do…I mean, practically speaking. Open up a store?
doctor bob
Deep breath.
Doctor Bob draws a deep breath. Marie does as well. He sits down.
doctor bob (cont.)
Where were we? 12 or 2? Mmm. Let’s go for 2. O.K.
marie
Ahm Doctor…Shouldn’t you turn off the light?
doctor bob
No. No need. I can see fine with the lights on.
marie
But you did turn them off before.
doctor bob
Force of habit.
marie
I see.
doctor Bob
Everyone expects that quiet dark time with their optometrist.
marie
So long as you can see. It’s my right eye.
Doctor Bob leans forward. Starts to examine her eye, then pulls back.
doctor bob
It’s just a convention really. Working in the dark. Turning off the lights.
marie
Are you alright? You seem a little bit…ahm…you know.
doctor bob
(extending out his hand palm down)
Steady as a rock. See…
Marie stands up abruptly.
marie
Guess what? My eye feels better. You must have done something because that gritty feeling in my left eye is gone. It’s just gone. Wow!
Stumbles then bangs into a chair. Doctor Bob crosses to her.
doctor bob
Sit down.
marie
No really, my eye feels better. 100% better. You’re a miracle worker.
doctor bob
I’m freaking you out. I’m sorry. It’s just… Well…Who knew when I signed up for this job I’d be working in the coal mines. Just give me a parakeet, a lunch pail and shove me back into my hole.
Marie starts to head towards the door.
marie
It’s canary.
doctor bob
Huh?
marie
You bring a canary with you down into the coal…never mind.
Doctor Bob reaches out. Grazes the sleeve of Marie’s suit jacket.
doctor bob
Come on. Give me another chance. I can do this.
Marie starts to sit down. Pauses. They look at each other.
marie
Only if you turn off the light and pick up that thing.
doctor bob
It’s called an ophthalmoscope.
The stage goes dark.
marie (cont.)
What do you see?
doctor bob
My skull. My aging body. Falling apart. One step at a time.
Stage lights go on.
doctor bob
Hey, no one said you can touch the light switch. That’s my job.
marie
Oh yeah.
Marie flicks the lights on and off quickly. Doctor Bob puts his hand over Marie’s.
doctor bob
I’ll get to your eye. I promise. I promise.
marie
Now would be a good time.
doctor bob
I sit in the dark all day trying to figure out why I’m sitting in the dark.
marie
Sssh. Lights.
Stage lights go off.
marie
Ah-ha. There. That’s the spot.
doctor Bob
Hold still. Did you know I wanted to be an actor? When I was a kid, me and my brother used to fight over who was going to pour the wine for the guests. And I always won. Cuz I understood that when you pour the wine you have to swivel the bottle at the end. Just so. Makes for a nice little flourish. Hold still. And then my folks would laugh and say that it was good that I had a talent for serving food, it would help support me till I hit the big time.
Lights back on.
doctor bob (cont.)
How’s that?
marie
You got it.
doctor bob
If I was Charles Dickens I’d say you had a cinder in your eye. And a rather large one.
marie
A bloody large one.
doctor bob
A ripping…jolly big…bollocks of a…never mind. Here, take some of these free samples. Twice a day to the affected eye.
marie
Thank you, Doctor.
doctor bob
Call me Bob.
Marie starts to leave, then doubles back.
marie
Bob, when it’s time to suit up and head back into the coal mines, just remember me saying thank you. Thank you.
doctor bob
Thank you for your thank you Marie.
Marie
So uhm I’ll just go and pay my deductible.
Marie, ready to go, pauses. Then…
doctor bob
Marie, I realize this is like completely unethical, but I’m going to kick myself if I don’t ask you — what are you doing tonight?
marie
Oh, Doctor Bob…Well…Honestly, I really don’t think a date is what you need right now.
doctor bob
Oh, you don’t.
marie
Not yet. Maybe what you need is a vacation.
Doctor Bob realigns his tools. Squares them up as he thinks.
doctor bob
Here I was thinking that you and me had some kind of connection…
marie
I’m talking to you as one professional to another.
doctor bob
Just a vacation.
marie
Well…yeah. It’ll fix you right up. Something about bouncing in the waves, drinking those umbrella drinks.
doctor bob
Ah-ha…See the deal is…I hate traveling alone. I don’t know what to do with myself. I hate eating alone. Waking up alone.
marie
Then go with a group.
doctor bob
I hate groups.
marie
What about an optometry group?
doctor bob
I do have other interests.
marie
Such as?
doctor bob
How about we have this conversation over dinner?
marie
Not tonight.
doctor bob
Then when?
marie
After your vacation.
(long silence,then)
Not because I want to make a sale here, you understand. But it is what you need.
doctor
Well, O.K. then. Alrighty right. Book me into your favorite place. Four star. The works.
marie
Sorry, but they’re not taking reservations.
doctor bob
You think it’s out of my price range?
marie
No.
doctor bob
Cuz I make a good living.
marie
I wasn’t talking about money.
doctor bob
What then? Too exclusive? Is that it?
marie
No, I uhm…
doctor Bob
I look Greek, I know. But I happen to be of French extraction. So…no need for embarassement now, is there. I rate. I behave. Trust me.
marie
I do.
Doctor bob
So? Your favorite place. Please. None other will do. Come on. Tell me. Where is it? Acapulco? No. Too common. Wait. Wait. Uhm…I know! Fiji. Fiji islands. Right? Am I right?
marie
Nope.
doctor bob
Where?
marie
I can’t say.
doctor bob
Whisper it.
marie
My living room.
doctor bob
Your living room?
(Marie nods)
As in…you don’t like to travel.
(she nods)
I did not see that coming.
marie
What can I say? It stopped appealing to me.
doctor bob
Have you been to Tibet? The Galapagos? The North Pole?
marie
Overrated.
doctor bob
Which part?
marie
The whole thing. But that’s just me, you know. For you, it’ll be perfect. Now, with a little bit of luck and some finageling I could probably book you into…
doctor Bob
Hang on — you could go anywhere.
marie
I know. Pathetic isn’t it? You get there and then what? You take a picture. You take a deep breath. But it’s still the same air. You’re still on planet earth.
doctor bob
Meanwhile I’m here. Sitting in the dark. Waiting. Waiting for a clue, a signal. Something. What a pair.
marie
At least the parakeet is alive.
doctor bob
Parakeet. That’s a good one. I don’t want to jinx us but…We could be…What can I say?…beautiful together?
marie
You’re jinxing it.
doctor bob
Meant to be? Like two peas in a pod?
marie
Could be.
doctor bob
Are you sure you don’t want to reconsider my dinner invitation?
marie
Just for arguments sake what did you have in mind?
doctor bob
Anything. Sushi. Indian. Italian. French. Or, or…I know this one place that makes the best meatloaf.
marie
And what about the lighting?
doctor bob
Fine. Even.
marie
Hmmm…Nothing too exotic. Well-lit? Sounds like it could become our kind of place. Eer…not that “we” have a place.
doctor bob
Right. Since there’s no “we”, right?
marie
Whew.